Monthly Archives: May 2012

Our Colourful Sexual Camaraderie


A child steps on a pussy
Squirting it like orange juice
STD! STD!, doctors proclaim
And hand over a cellular phone
Texts back and forth
Your brain’s the most powerful sex.
There’s no rain over a roof of tin
Li’l men ask, ki? ki? kiiiiii?
Khi khi khi
Shut them up, kiss on the lips
Now, you pedophile!
Routine, poutine, a shallow teen
Will lie next, a consenting adult.
What if you replace a heart for a dick
Pumping blood into every mouth
That unwaringly licks
What if sex is forthright, straight
Without uh…all the uncertain wait
Argh, impatience, impatience! bang-bang
Make for an awful poem.

Nighttime Muzak


“Oh I could so sex right now!,” she cried out loud desperately in a moment of sudden dawning when the words wanted to escape her.

She had been listening to him all day. All of too day and two days and even when it had rained. His voice had become a dark sort of haze which washed the gray sky in circles. Ta da ta da ta da da ta da, ta da ta da ta da da ta ta da.

White flowers, white white flowers bloomed and died like her crotch on a shady mountainside. A slopy mountainside. An easy mountainside but a nightening mountainside.

That night she had heard him again…just to laugh at his words. So phony when not sung. So phony when read out aloud. And his illiteracy. But he sucked her in and then took a knife and popped her. She quietly burst into seventeen lakh tiny balloons smiling peacefully at the mountainside and the fast moving clouds of the sky. Floating down down down…ta da ta da ta ta ta ta da da. Ta da ta da ta ta ta ta da da. She loudly burst into an explosion from a very hot air balloon…Boom! and cried out aloud, “Please! Do me! For pity’s sake!”

Ta da ta da ta da da da ta da, he nonchalantly went on. Oblivious of all her desire. Or too aware of it. What a cruel, cruel man!… What a night of contradictions, heh.

She lay there almost in tears. Reduced to an inescapable, uncontrolled need to touch herself. She cried and laughed at the pathetic-ness of it. She laughed and cried at the love of it. She shouted out loud at all he was capable of.

“Oh! Oh! Oh!,” she moaned into the darkness as she imagined herself dying on an empty hillside. Herself orgasming on a pretty hillside. While all of humanity danced around her playing Ring-a-Ring-o’-Roses. Wavy, in waves. Pink, purple, blue and gray. Curling fingers. Curling toes. Filled with an occasionally elusive, occasionally formful fog that was him. Speckled with rain she could feel on her tongue. Just out of her reach.

Helpless. Helpless…so helpless, oh! “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!,” she shrieked out twenty times in frustration and in hope. “Oh! Fuck!” One last time. One first time. Please, oh please! She begged.

She was stripped of all dignity, ready to flow like melted vanilla icecream. He had been so sudden, so out of blues, it did not even hit her when she had to fight him. “Fuck!,” she said again, in realisation of her humiliation. “Fuck!,” she said for using so many -tions. She turned him off. She would not, could not listen to him. It was not worth it. So not. He died, throttled suddenly. Same way he had come. Out of blues. Moos.

Calmer now, she wondered if she would be (could be?) born from him if they sexed. Li’l Bo Peep has lost her sheep and can’t tell where to find them. That night she swallowed nineteen million stars from the deep blue sky and came them out of her vagina in a van Gogh painting. And twenty five minutes later, she still wanted to hump the bedpost.

O’s Woes, Part II


The following is a distressing sexual tale, the first part of which is available here. Please use caution while reading it.

The plan was to make O chew paper and make green fairies come out of her mouth. Green fairies are a signal for “Go” like green traffic lights, so it’s like God giving the people with penises permission to risk bruising theirs with large teeth. But walruses were highly offended by this whole plan and initiated several effective campaigns via the internet like STOP PAPERCHEWING FOR BLOWJOBS 2017 and this created a lot of outrage among American citizens while the British placidly ate their scones and jam and sipped their tea. The American citizens, unlike their British counterparts however were very concerned about walruses and invaded several nation-States in the middle East to make sure that the rights of walruses are protected.

This however did not help O much who was still waiting with her O mouth to attempt blowjobs but now no one was very keen to come to her as they feared they might be accused of carrying weapons of mass destruction. Which they very well were. *nudge nudge wink wink*

Meanwhile O cried the whole day and tears entered her mouth when there was other stuff worthy of being placed there.

But O’s cries were heard. Her fairy godmother appeared and asked O to get two pumpkins. O got her the largest and the juiciest pumpkins from the garden and the fairy godmother waved her wand, and lo! The pumpkin turned into huge breasts and O had the biggest boobs anyone had ever imagined about. However it seems that the fairy godmother was not very well-acquainted with the laws of physics, so that O promptly toppled over as soon as her big boobs appeared owing to her center of gravity being radically displaced from between her legs. The fairy godmother, unable to figure out the problem, left O in her predicament anyways, excusing herself by saying that she had the Fairy Godfather’s Looking for Fairy Godmother’s Ball to attend to.

So O lay there on the grey cobblestoned floor in the dark with her O mouth and her huge boobs, unable to get up. Several women passed by and were secretly jealous of O’s assets as they fanned themselves with their very expensive fans. But O cried and cried because it was shameful lying there like that and because it made the deep-running scars of her rapeful humiliation come alive and they seared like deep trident shaped penises in her vagina.

In the meantime, the penises had been deliberating about what to do what with their people being so scared about being accused of carrying weapons of mass destruction and such. Many of them decided to detach themselves and enter O’s mouth, what the hell. So suddenly O found her mouth stuffed with forty thousand happy penises that oohed and aahed as she lay on the ground. But being the greedy bitch that she was O wanted more and more and more so she opened her mouth wider and wider and wider till it actually collapsed on itself and became a black hole. But this was a very special black hole as it sucked only penises in. But many religious penises, well-acquainted with the concept of sin were distressed about this and decided to become pansies instead. This saved them from being sucked in.

However O was becoming a great danger to all people with penises and all people without penises too, for if she took all pansies penises for herself, what would be left for the others? “Take what you need, leave some for the others,” the wall of Mr. T’s vineyard said. But O did not seem to grasp this concept.  This became a matter of huge concern and everyone decided that something must be done about this.

Many great minds occupied themselves with this problem and it was finally agreed that O’s penal appetite could be satisfied only by creating a giant penis and stuffing it into her O mouth. A planet called M was commmissioned for carrying out this task. The planetary soil was fertilised with the relevant fertilisers to make it fertile for growing penises. The plan was to fuse these penises together to create the giant penis. However things went terribly wrong during the transplantation and some of the penises, aware of what they were being grown for, decided to rebel, asserting that they had a right to decide which mouth to go into, and not just any mouth, even if it was very O. Planet M was soon overrun by penises carrying forks, knives and scythes. Since these penises were not fully grown yet, and were the warrior kinds…poking themselves with sharp things when no one else was, they gradually came to be known as sissies.

Meanwhile O’s black hole *nudge nudge wink wink* was gagging with sucking so many penises together and her face was turning purple while her eyes popped out. Her seksual pleasure was heightened to a single point of light and she died a booful death.

The headstone of her grave reads nothing because O evaporated in the heat produced by the friction of all the penises. A whory life, some people accuse, and O rightfully wails while being shamefully fucked in the fires of hell. Beware, tell mothers to their little children, of what O did, and the children listen carefully even while Beelzebub laughs in delight while watching O give beautiful blowjobs. “A despicable fate…Tut-tut,” he pronounces as he gets a hard-on.

O’s Woes, Part I


The following is a distressing sexual tale. Please use caution while reading it. 

O had a very O mouth. This means her mouth was shaped like an O. Like a goldfish. Though I have no clue why they say O like a goldfish- I suppose goldfish in a small round aquarium come to the glass walls and press their mouths against it so that it looks like an O- anyhow it is a valid expression. So yeah, O’s mouth was very O. She could never close it. It was always open like an open O.

Now like all things, this has several advantages and disadvantages. Sometimes flies and such would get inside her mouth and she had to flail around her tongue helplessly till they got out and even then she could not close her mouth. But on the other hand, of course it was perfect for giving blowjobs. One just had to slip one’s penis in.

Only, there was a slight glitch.

O had very large teeth. Not quite as large a rabbit but larger than a wooly mammoth. Now you may ask how that is possible, so well let’s say O had been raped twenty seven years before in the dead of the night by a dirty rapist with a six inch steel knife and the scars of her rapeful humiliation still carried on and made her do six impossible things before breakfast and seventeen later. The psychological impact on a rape victim is shatteringly permanent, as has been well-established, so pretty much anything is possible.

Now as you might know, large teeth while giving a blowjob are highly hindering because people with penises do not want their penises hurt with teeth or such for like the Elke people’s sheep say, they might be then be hit upon by the dreadful wrath of God, and who wants to risk that? Nevertheless the sight of O’s O mouth was too arousing for too many people with penises to resist it, and so they came up with a plan. 

…to be continued

The God of Small Thingies, Part I | A Very Sad Town


The following text entails a very elusive and much sought-after erotic fable from south Asia. The telling of this fable in a single session is considered to be a very strong, and sometimes even fatal, aphrodisiac in these parts. Owing to its highly addictive nature, it has been known to cause several deaths due to uncontrolled consumption among the very sexy clowns of the monsooned forests of southern India, located in south Asia. Hence, having careful consideration of your safety and welfare, this erotic fable is brought to you in four parts.

Monsoon came to Ayemenem slow and drowsy, turning skies gray. It expanded the cupboards and shriveled the thingies. This made men sad and women nutty. Some people thought of replacing the thingies with coconuts. But most people disliked coconuts because they were always kinda huge and hard and that can be painful (as had been proven by Priapus 3,000 years ago.)

The temple elephant was seeing the worst of it. Being an elephant, one expects to have a big thingy. But his had shriveled up to the size of a small date. And since elephants do not wear pants, all the lady elephants knew about his tiny thingy and he had to go without a date for several weeks.

At nights, a voyeur walking through Ayemenem could expect to see the women performing a ritual to boost the men’s morales in every house. This ritual consisted of the women struggling with a microscope to locate their husband’s thingies. The ritual, in itself, was quite challenging because microscopes, though very precise and scientific instruments, are quite unwieldy. However it did help to some extent because seeing an enlarged image of a small thingy under a convex glass lens turned the women on, and their moaning gave their husbands a sense of accomplishment of highly engorged proportions. Proportions that their thingies never achieved. Nevertheless, monsoon was a dry season that year in Ayemenem. If you know what I mean.

Meanwhile, the local police superintendent tapped women’s breasts with his baton. Like they were watermelons. “Tap-tap.” But knowing of the tiny predicament of the police superintendent’s thingy, the women’s breasts were sexually deroused and decided to actually turn into watermelons rather than be just a likeness of the same. This was too sad because these watermelons were soon devoured by the numerous insects and larvae which thrive in the romance of the monsoons.

Ayemenem was reduced to a lifeless town of shriveled thingies and half-eaten watermelons. Black watermelon seeds sometimes flew out of the blue around the town from the insects having spat them. It was only insects who did all the seeding that year in Ayemenem. If you know what I mean.

The horridness and humiliation of having a small thingy was devastating. The suicide rate in Ayemenem rose drastically in a matter of days. The markets were flooded with Viagra (which was not helping much) and the little river in Ayemenem with corpses of men who had finally resigned to having a small thingy and women who suffered the humiliation of their men with them.

The government was very concerned about the situation. It felt helpless in the face of such a great calamity as had riddled the town of Ayemenem. It wailed for help frantically here and there. Finally some Enlightened people realised that this great calamity which loomed over Ayemenem like a huge loom from the days of the Industrial Revolution, was nothing but the result of centuries of oppression of the masses. These people decided to come to the rescue of the government by donning red flags, banners and stuff. They called themselves communists.

…to be continued.