Mr. Nice

Standard

“Hello! Meet Mr. Nice. I am Mr. Nice.”

“Hey there Mr. Nice.”

“Hello hello dear! Care for a rumpy pumpy in the sack?”

“Uh…sure?”

“Lah lah lah! Let the rumpy pumpy begin! Here’s the sack! And you should know I’m really nice, so I will ask you. ASK YOU whether you want me to do something or not.”

“Um okay.”

“Do you want me to kiss you?”

“Er…okay?”

Kiss kiss.

“Do you want me to grab your hair in a fit of passion?”

“Do YOU want to?”

“What I want doesn’t matter! Do YOU want to?”

“Maybe?”

“You should know for sure, you know. Informed customers are get their goods and I look to satisfy MY customer!”

“Yuck!”

“Do you want me to slobber all over your neck?”

“What’s this? A sex service company? Why do you have to ASK?! Do it if you want to, don’t if you don’t!”

“But I am Mr. Nice! I always seek consent! ALWAYS!”

“Huh?”

“I understand how important it is to your dignity as a woman.”

“Huh?”

“The body is sacred. The slightest violation and poof! Haven’t you heard of rape laws?”

A feminist somewhere was subsequently swallowed by an Echidna.

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