Category Archives: Bozo’s Escapades

One Mail Box and A Flying Pussy

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The following text works as a standalone episode but if you want, you can read the first part of this very sexy story here.

Bozo had decided to look for the place where his penis would stand. It was a missing piece from the jigsaw puzzle of the universe. Where does it fit? Where does it integrate? Oh, oh he must know!

It was thus that Bozo set out from his house one fine morning. The mail box outside his door reddened considerably upon perceiving his enthusiasm. Bozo glanced at the mail box and thought it was only fair he should give it a try. Bozo was a clown of simple means, rather inclined towards the methodology of trial-and-error in such matters. He launched his penis inside the mail box. The mail box was dumbfounded, and let out an uncertain giggle. Bozo withdrew his penis. Too small for this part of the puzzle, he said to himself and moved on.

It is the law of nature that wherever there is space, there must be matter to fill it up. And Bozo had set out to find his space among all the spaces of the world.

It was while he was thus walking that Bozo encountered The Flying Pussy. It had white feathered wings and looked somewhat spacious.

“Ah, a pussy with wings!” Bozo exclaimed. “I must try this one.”

“Hey, will you please help me with my puzzle hunt?” Bozo asked of the Pussy.

“Okay…” The Pussy didn’t think much of Bozo but agreed to help him, for it had nothing better to do. Plus it saw no reason to deny Bozo anything much especially when Bozo had asked for it so politely.

So Bozo thrust his dicky bird into the Pussy. The bird chirped. But the bird soon suffocated and died.

“Not enough space,” Bozo said.

“Aw, never mind. Better luck next time.” The pussy smiled at Bozo and went on its way.



Years later whenever Bozo would relate his encounter with The Flying Pussy, people would roar themselves hoarse with laughter. “How undignifiededly slutty!” The men and women would jeer, and some would say,”Poor Pussy! What injustice to be used and violated in this way!” Bozo would sometimes join them in their emotions, but often, he was confused about the source of their indignance at the Pussy.

The Flying Pussy thus acquired quite a reputation and some sympathies for not being perfectly aghast at Bozo’s straightforward politesse. Men and women seemed to find The Flying Pussy tale too entertaining to stop talking about it–so they never did. This fact disappointed and tickled The Flying Pussy when it came to learn of it.

“Ah well,” it said and smiled a sweet pussy smile at their reverence for sex.



…to be continued

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Life, Universe and Penis

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“On life, universe and everything, I will say this,” remarked The Great Ababa to Bozo one day, “It’s all in your penis.”

The Great Ababa was the great sexual mystic who had lived for twelve thousand years under the water forking fish. This enterprise, aggressively funded by the WHO, had been undertaken to examine the role of inter-species sexual drive in the process of evolution. Many times, Darwinian fables say, it has been found that while genetic variation produces an improved survival soldier version of the species, it also results in “a most unnatural sexual fervour” towards species of the lower order. It was said of The Great Ababa that he had had a writhing vision one night: Red herrings commanding him to explore the abovementioned irregularity in natural inclinations towards fornication, upon which he had jumped out of bed and exclaimed, “Carp(e) diem!” just before going to the nearest river and swimming upstream for well, the fish. This was only necessary as his research method was indeed very empirical: “You cannot know it unless you have experienced it,” being his personal motto.

Coming back to The Great Ababa’s remark: “Oh! I thought it was all in my head!,” Bozo responded to it with some surprise.

“Oh Bozey! So they say, so they say.” The Great Ababa sighed. “Descartes has exploited us far too long with his heady philosophy, it’s now time for Fuckartes to take over!”

“Fuck a cart? Brilliant! Nothing is beyond you, O Great Ababa!” Bozo looked at The Great Ababa in wonderment.

“Fuckartes, my dear! Fuckartes!…the art of fucking! And the only true way of knowing life, universe and everything!”

Bozo eyes grew rounder and rounder. This was all too exciting. “I am now beginning to get what you mean by it is all in the penis,” he said.

“Yes Bozo. But don’t let that make your penis too important! Because who wants to know life, universe ane the other shit anyways?”

“Uh, don’t you?” Bozo asked with some uncertainty.

“My dear sexy clown, after forking seventy gazillion fish in a span of twelve thousand years, I think I have known enough shit. That’s why I decided to chop my penis and eat it for dinner yesterday.”

“Wow, isn’t that illegal?”

“Yeah yeah blah, but I was just a bit tired of the whole thing you know? I’ve had my time, fish everywhere are grateful, conservationists are happy and the Nessi monster wrote to me the other day to thank me for the kids. But you Bozo! You!” The Great Ababa emphasised, “YOU have your entire penis in front of you. Why not do something about it?”

Bozo then noticed that his entire penis was indeed in front of him. It was dancing about naked.

“But how to go about it huh? How to go about penising life, universe and everything, O Great Ababa?” Bozo posed the problem.

“Look it’s like this, sexy clown. Think of life and universe as a great big jigsaw puzzle to be put together. And you’re a part of the puzzle. But more emphatically, your penis is a BIG part of the puzzle which your life is.”

Bozo nodded vigorously taking it all in.

“To really know life, universe and everything therefore, Bozo, you must find where your penis fits in the great picture. Where does it stand, eh? And when will it? You must discover theee!”

And so Bozo set out to discover life, universe and everything in his penis.

to be continued

A Beginner’s Guide to How to Love It to Bits

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Bozo practised sex on a dancing doll. This requires quite a formidable set of skills. Mostly because the doll is never still. Bozo’s skills on the other hand, were not so formidable.

The doll wriggled and slipped everywhere. She was slippery. As slippery as a fish. As slippery as a fish taken by its tail and beaten on your face. Mhm?

“Enough! Enough! Enough of this nonsense!”, Bozo screamed, his very colourful nose askew. “I am an elephant and I will not tolerate such indignity!,” he declared.

He snatched the bottle from the side table and broke it over his head. “Mmmm.” He was woozy now, and woozy is always good because woozy makes everything oozy, which means that stuff can now flow out more easily. Though little known, this in fact, has been one of the most important scientific discoveries of the last century.

Bozo practised sex on a set of dancing balls. This requires quite a formidable set of skills. Mostly because the balls are never still. Bozo’s skills on the other hand, were not so formidable.

The balls were kind of cool and slipped everywhere. They were slippery. And chewey. Chewey slippery chewing gum. Mhm?

“Enough! Enough! Enough of this slipperiness!”, Bozo screamed, his very colourful nose askew. “I am an giraffe and I will not tolerate such fluids!,” he declared.

He snatched the flower from the side table and gobbled it with his tongue. “Mmmm.” He was woozy now, and woozy is always good because woozy makes everything oozy, which means that stuff can now flow out more easily. Though little known, this in fact, has been one of the most important scientific discoveries of the last century.

One ball moved slightly. Slowly. And hit something feathery. Down feathery, not flight feathery.

Then the whole house blew up. Ka-boom! Mushroom clouds, dancing dolls, crazy trolls. Orange strains, strewn brains, fluid rains. Everything ever made was blown up to bits.

Tits.

The King of Rainbow Pussies

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When Bozo woke up that morning, he realized that he needed rainbow pussies. And lots of them. The regular brown ones just irked or disgusted him. The even-toned ones were no good either. What he really needed were those multi-coloured rainbow pussies which would produce white light through a prism. That’d really give him a boner unlike all the wrong ones which the circus women had.

So he went to find a woman with a rainbow pussy. But whenever he asked women if they had a rainbow pussy, they would burst our crying and run away and their tears would leave a puddle on the road. Bozo would then pick his cherry nose and move on. Women were hard to understand.

La la la la la, Bozo was singing on his way. And when he was on the road with the hill with a tree around the turn, he found a rainbow pussy. It mewed when it saw him. It had a mirror for a head and a shiny silver body, which beckoned him nearer as it smacked its butt with its lovely crystal hands as the mirror reflected all the rainbow colours. Bozo thought it was very sexy.

The pussy mewed once again. Bozo was getting a major hard-on now. But being the true gentleman that he was, he thought he would satisfy the needs of the pussy first.

Now, Bozo had read up a lot on the needs of the pussy in a very authoritative scientific journal. And it was a very good and scientific journal because it was so authoritative. Each one was extensively cited and well-researched on empirical data. It was obvious that it would be good. He had read that a pussy needs rubbing. So he went on rubbing and rubbing till the rainbow grew larger and larger and the pussy screamed all her mews. Bozo could see himself hard at work in the mirror face and this made him groan in pleasure.

Finally after a lot of rubbing, a genie appeared out of the rainbow pussy. “I have been trapped in this hairy, smelly, floppy pussy for 12 million years, simply because no one till now has found the right way to rub it. You, obviously read the How To- guides on the right way of rubbing a pussy, which has at last released me. So i will grant you three wishes.”

Bozo was excited.

“Your first wish is that all pussies in the world turn rainbow from the various stupid colours they are,” the genie said. The genie was a very omnipotent genie, so he knew everything that Bozo wanted already.

Boom! There was a small sulphur explosion and Bozo’s wish came true. Bozo checked on a little girl passing on the road to make sure and she squealed with joy when she saw her rainbow pussy. Clean and Dry Intimate Wash then started an aggressive ad campaign to make rainbow pussies the perfect shade of rainbow. It created a lot of money and sexually satisfied people.

“Your second wish is that you grow a dick where nose is,” the genie continued.

The cherry nose exploded and a huge penis appeared in its place, swaying to gravity. Bozo now looked like a sexy anteater. As he admired himself, the rainbow pussy with the mirror face thought he was very hot and thanked Bozo over and over.

“And here’s your third wish…your lifetime supply of Viagra, so you’re never important impotent.” The genie finally said as he poofed and vanished. A mountain of neatly packed cartons appeared next to the hill with a neon sign with huge letters saying, “FREE VIAGRA HERE!”

Bozo was thus the King of Rainbow Pussies forever and for a while which really meant he was the King of all Pussies, which slobbered and mewed over him all the time. Although seven years later, he found out that a lifetime supply doesn’t really mean supply for a lifetime even as lifetime imprisonment does mean prison for a lifetime. But the genie had it printed in very small letters the terms and conditions of the wishes, so rightfully Bozo should not have complained about that. But that is another dirty story.