Category Archives: erotic fables

And you’re spoilt for choice…

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CLaE_zpUsAAvIEb

That’s some star handling of some clown condom!

(applause)

But what’s the use in a world without porn

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More On Kissing

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…this time from the expert


A woman and a man came to Nasruddin one day.

The woman complained, “I was just walking on the street the other day, when this man, who I have never seen before, came up to me and kissed me! I demand justice!”

“I agree that you deserve justice,” Nasruddin said. “Therefore I order that you kiss him back and take your revenge.”


Oh honor, ho honor

Thou baffling maiden!

Sticks and stones to break my bones

But so are kisses with depravity laden–

Neither scrupulous hate nor indiscriminate love

Will your sacred form accept

You mark your boundaries sharp

Like my poodle dog pissets.

The God of Small Thingies, Part II | The Right And The Wrong

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The following text entails a very elusive and much sought-after erotic fable from south Asia. The telling of this fable in a single session is considered to be a very strong, and sometimes even fatal, aphrodisiac in these parts. Owing to its highly addictive nature, it has been known to cause several deaths due to uncontrolled consumption among the very sexy clowns of the monsooned forests of southern India, located in south Asia. Hence, having careful consideration of your safety and welfare, this erotic fable is brought to you in four parts. Read the first part here.

The town of Ayemenem was suffering a calamity of unforeseen proportions. Dicks shriveled and breasts insected infected. The communists had finally decided to come to the rescue. They suggested that a revolution could be of help, and this sentiment caught quite some popularity. Red flags were collected and several envoys to China were sent. Hammer and sickle dances became popular. These dances were elaborate affairs consisting of women sickling small thingies and men hammering their women.

Data painstakingly collected by the Indian Statistical Institute conclusively and undoubtedly proved that such dances had boosted the morale of the Ayemenem citizens and consolidated social solidarity by %. It was further reported that they brought down the suicide rate by π%. Many people thought these findings were quite irrational, but since the masses were very oppressed, they could not say or do much about it.

The government further allotted Rs. 10 crore of funds to rename all existing children Lenin, Mao and Che in that order. Some objection was expressed by the Right-wing parties to such changes, and several FIRs for the crimes of sedition and waging war against the nation were filed. But everything was sorted out when the leading numerologist in Ayemenem (who also happened to be the temple elephant’s third cousin twice removed) confirmed in his expert evidence before the Supreme Court that the renaming was in consonance with the ethics of numerology and could only bring good fortune on Ayemenem. Nevertheless, none of these measures were successful in solving the shriveling of the thingies, which popularly began to be known as monsoon dicks.

Several specimen of the monsoon dicks were taken and stored in museums and displayed in exhibitions for tourists who did not have monsoon dicks. Biologists from all over the world marveled at the rarity of these thingies. A few of them died of compunction at not owning one for their own while looking at them. By the year 1991, monsoon dicks managed to become an exotic product in foreign markets.

Such trade however, was opposed by some very opposite people, who believed that it was nothing short of trafficking. Meanwhile these opposite people also noticed that at the hammer and sickle dances, a confusion of sorts was on the rise, which led to women sickling women and men hammering men, rather than hammering and sickling each other. This, the opposite people, agreed was rather depraved behavior and had to be stopped at all cost. No God, they declared, would be very pleased.

In the many conferences conducted by the opposite people they voiced their dissatisfaction with the communists and the laughing stock the nation was being made by other countries, because of Ayemenem. “Ah, where’s the dignity? Where be the self-respect?” they mourned. Then in a different tone, “But we must take action! If not now, then when? If not us, then who? If not this way, then how?” Determinism for change gave hope to Ayemenemites, who suddenly realized the shame of monsoon dicks and hammering and sickling the wrong parties.

A whole new era of righteousness was thus born. An era beautiful saffronly.

…to be continued.

No Slut Zone

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There was this little lady I knew
Who had a big big appetite for love
Straying lipstick, jangled moves
Gay gay abandon she would go:
Ta da tap tap shoobie doobie da da.
Ta da tap tap shoobie doobie da da.

One day she was called to a feast
A spirited evening full of trash ho ho!
So she decided to bang every pig she’d meet
Neat bow tie or glasses askew.
Ta da tap tap shoobie doobie da da.
Ta da tap tap shoobie doobie da da.

But there is a catch you see, you see
Pigs don’t believe you so easily, ho! ho!
They couldn’t swallow her base sluttery,
Till it was polished by fine liquorsy, oh no!
Ta da tap tap shoobie doobie da da.
Ta da tap tap shoobie doobie da da.

How she laughed, how she laughed
Pretending she was smashed and high
(But she was! wasn’t she, hey?)
And only then did the pigs
Look out of their insured sty
A bitch rendered senseless, they smirked, woohoo!
She would comply.
How she laughed, how she laughed, oh what a night!

Ta da tap tap shoobie doobie da da.
Ta da tap tap shoobie doobie da da.

You need a good reason to get some loving ’round here, slut!
For pigs are all men of reason, didn’t you hear Antony say?
You need a good reason o yes! I will say this much
As I push my heavy machinery (my love! my pride!) in your way.

Haha! Galalalalalalawheeeee! …ta da tap tap shoobie doobie da da.
Ta da tap tap shoobie doobie da da.

Our Colourful Sexual Camaraderie

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Min-min-min-min
A child steps on a pussy
Squirting it like orange juice
STD! STD!, doctors proclaim
And hand over a cellular phone
Texts back and forth
Your brain’s the most powerful sex.
Min-min-min-min
There’s no rain over a roof of tin
Li’l men ask, ki? ki? kiiiiii?
Khi khi khi
Shut them up, kiss on the lips
Now, you pedophile!
Routine, poutine, a shallow teen
Will lie next, a consenting adult.
Min-min-min-min
What if you replace a heart for a dick
Pumping blood into every mouth
That unwaringly licks
What if sex is forthright, straight
Without uh…all the uncertain wait
Argh, impatience, impatience! bang-bang
Make for an awful poem.

O’s Woes, Part II

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The following is a distressing sexual tale, the first part of which is available here. Please use caution while reading it.

The plan was to make O chew paper and make green fairies come out of her mouth. Green fairies are a signal for “Go” like green traffic lights, so it’s like God giving the people with penises permission to risk bruising theirs with large teeth. But walruses were highly offended by this whole plan and initiated several effective campaigns via the internet like STOP PAPERCHEWING FOR BLOWJOBS 2017 and this created a lot of outrage among American citizens while the British placidly ate their scones and jam and sipped their tea. The American citizens, unlike their British counterparts however were very concerned about walruses and invaded several nation-States in the middle East to make sure that the rights of walruses are protected.

This however did not help O much who was still waiting with her O mouth to attempt blowjobs but now no one was very keen to come to her as they feared they might be accused of carrying weapons of mass destruction. Which they very well were. *nudge nudge wink wink*

Meanwhile O cried the whole day and tears entered her mouth when there was other stuff worthy of being placed there.

But O’s cries were heard. Her fairy godmother appeared and asked O to get two pumpkins. O got her the largest and the juiciest pumpkins from the garden and the fairy godmother waved her wand, and lo! The pumpkin turned into huge breasts and O had the biggest boobs anyone had ever imagined about. However it seems that the fairy godmother was not very well-acquainted with the laws of physics, so that O promptly toppled over as soon as her big boobs appeared owing to her center of gravity being radically displaced from between her legs. The fairy godmother, unable to figure out the problem, left O in her predicament anyways, excusing herself by saying that she had the Fairy Godfather’s Looking for Fairy Godmother’s Ball to attend to.

So O lay there on the grey cobblestoned floor in the dark with her O mouth and her huge boobs, unable to get up. Several women passed by and were secretly jealous of O’s assets as they fanned themselves with their very expensive fans. But O cried and cried because it was shameful lying there like that and because it made the deep-running scars of her rapeful humiliation come alive and they seared like deep trident shaped penises in her vagina.

In the meantime, the penises had been deliberating about what to do what with their people being so scared about being accused of carrying weapons of mass destruction and such. Many of them decided to detach themselves and enter O’s mouth, what the hell. So suddenly O found her mouth stuffed with forty thousand happy penises that oohed and aahed as she lay on the ground. But being the greedy bitch that she was O wanted more and more and more so she opened her mouth wider and wider and wider till it actually collapsed on itself and became a black hole. But this was a very special black hole as it sucked only penises in. But many religious penises, well-acquainted with the concept of sin were distressed about this and decided to become pansies instead. This saved them from being sucked in.

However O was becoming a great danger to all people with penises and all people without penises too, for if she took all pansies penises for herself, what would be left for the others? “Take what you need, leave some for the others,” the wall of Mr. T’s vineyard said. But O did not seem to grasp this concept.  This became a matter of huge concern and everyone decided that something must be done about this.

Many great minds occupied themselves with this problem and it was finally agreed that O’s penal appetite could be satisfied only by creating a giant penis and stuffing it into her O mouth. A planet called M was commmissioned for carrying out this task. The planetary soil was fertilised with the relevant fertilisers to make it fertile for growing penises. The plan was to fuse these penises together to create the giant penis. However things went terribly wrong during the transplantation and some of the penises, aware of what they were being grown for, decided to rebel, asserting that they had a right to decide which mouth to go into, and not just any mouth, even if it was very O. Planet M was soon overrun by penises carrying forks, knives and scythes. Since these penises were not fully grown yet, and were the warrior kinds…poking themselves with sharp things when no one else was, they gradually came to be known as sissies.

Meanwhile O’s black hole *nudge nudge wink wink* was gagging with sucking so many penises together and her face was turning purple while her eyes popped out. Her seksual pleasure was heightened to a single point of light and she died a booful death.

The headstone of her grave reads nothing because O evaporated in the heat produced by the friction of all the penises. A whory life, some people accuse, and O rightfully wails while being shamefully fucked in the fires of hell. Beware, tell mothers to their little children, of what O did, and the children listen carefully even while Beelzebub laughs in delight while watching O give beautiful blowjobs. “A despicable fate…Tut-tut,” he pronounces as he gets a hard-on.

O’s Woes, Part I

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The following is a distressing sexual tale. Please use caution while reading it. 

O had a very O mouth. This means her mouth was shaped like an O. Like a goldfish. Though I have no clue why they say O like a goldfish- I suppose goldfish in a small round aquarium come to the glass walls and press their mouths against it so that it looks like an O- anyhow it is a valid expression. So yeah, O’s mouth was very O. She could never close it. It was always open like an open O.

Now like all things, this has several advantages and disadvantages. Sometimes flies and such would get inside her mouth and she had to flail around her tongue helplessly till they got out and even then she could not close her mouth. But on the other hand, of course it was perfect for giving blowjobs. One just had to slip one’s penis in.

Only, there was a slight glitch.

O had very large teeth. Not quite as large a rabbit but larger than a wooly mammoth. Now you may ask how that is possible, so well let’s say O had been raped twenty seven years before in the dead of the night by a dirty rapist with a six inch steel knife and the scars of her rapeful humiliation still carried on and made her do six impossible things before breakfast and seventeen later. The psychological impact on a rape victim is shatteringly permanent, as has been well-established, so pretty much anything is possible.

Now as you might know, large teeth while giving a blowjob are highly hindering because people with penises do not want their penises hurt with teeth or such for like the Elke people’s sheep say, they might be then be hit upon by the dreadful wrath of God, and who wants to risk that? Nevertheless the sight of O’s O mouth was too arousing for too many people with penises to resist it, and so they came up with a plan. 

…to be continued