…this time from the expert…
A woman and a man came to Nasruddin one day.
The woman complained, “I was just walking on the street the other day, when this man, who I have never seen before, came up to me and kissed me! I demand justice!”
“I agree that you deserve justice,” Nasruddin said. “Therefore I order that you kiss him back and take your revenge.”
Oh honor, ho honor
Thou baffling maiden!
Sticks and stones to break my bones
But so are kisses with depravity laden–
Neither scrupulous hate nor indiscriminate love
Will your sacred form accept
You mark your boundaries sharp
Like my poodle dog pissets.
“Hello! Meet Mr. Nice. I am Mr. Nice.”
“Hey there Mr. Nice.”
“Hello hello dear! Care for a rumpy pumpy in the sack?”
“Lah lah lah! Let the rumpy pumpy begin! Here’s the sack! And you should know I’m really nice, so I will ask you. ASK YOU whether you want me to do something or not.”
“Do you want me to kiss you?”
“Do you want me to grab your hair in a fit of passion?”
“Do YOU want to?”
“What I want doesn’t matter! Do YOU want to?”
“You should know for sure, you know. Informed customers are get their goods and I look to satisfy MY customer!”
“Do you want me to slobber all over your neck?”
“What’s this? A sex service company? Why do you have to ASK?! Do it if you want to, don’t if you don’t!”
“But I am Mr. Nice! I always seek consent! ALWAYS!”
“I understand how important it is to your dignity as a woman.”
“The body is sacred. The slightest violation and poof! Haven’t you heard of rape laws?”
A feminist somewhere was subsequently swallowed by an Echidna.