Tag Archives: porn

From the Land of Explosions

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Whilst crossing through Iceland, her eye caught a strange fixture in several shops. High Quality Condom from the Land of Explosions, it proclaimed. The mere sight of this packet of contraceptives made her go all crazy compelling her to explode in closely-timed tiny explosions of silver and pink. Phut! Phut! Phut! Phut!, she went. Then she grabbed the next person with a rainbow on the head and was seized by a mad desire to break the ice with the whole universe all at the same time!

“I have said this before and I will say it again”, she gasped between smiles which made 17 muscles in her jaw hurt. “Iceland is a best country full of sexy clowns!”

“Tut, tut,” Ramdev spake from a country afar. “Didn’t I say sex-ed makes you wanna do it? This is sheer degradation of our women I say!”

“Nature- shmature…skamoosh!,” agreed a BJP MLA while perusing enlightenment in the Legislature.

“Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” She was riding the top of an aeroplane and crying out pure, untainted joy all this while.

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The God of Small Thingies, Part II | The Right And The Wrong

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The following text entails a very elusive and much sought-after erotic fable from south Asia. The telling of this fable in a single session is considered to be a very strong, and sometimes even fatal, aphrodisiac in these parts. Owing to its highly addictive nature, it has been known to cause several deaths due to uncontrolled consumption among the very sexy clowns of the monsooned forests of southern India, located in south Asia. Hence, having careful consideration of your safety and welfare, this erotic fable is brought to you in four parts. Read the first part here.

The town of Ayemenem was suffering a calamity of unforeseen proportions. Dicks shriveled and breasts insected infected. The communists had finally decided to come to the rescue. They suggested that a revolution could be of help, and this sentiment caught quite some popularity. Red flags were collected and several envoys to China were sent. Hammer and sickle dances became popular. These dances were elaborate affairs consisting of women sickling small thingies and men hammering their women.

Data painstakingly collected by the Indian Statistical Institute conclusively and undoubtedly proved that such dances had boosted the morale of the Ayemenem citizens and consolidated social solidarity by %. It was further reported that they brought down the suicide rate by π%. Many people thought these findings were quite irrational, but since the masses were very oppressed, they could not say or do much about it.

The government further allotted Rs. 10 crore of funds to rename all existing children Lenin, Mao and Che in that order. Some objection was expressed by the Right-wing parties to such changes, and several FIRs for the crimes of sedition and waging war against the nation were filed. But everything was sorted out when the leading numerologist in Ayemenem (who also happened to be the temple elephant’s third cousin twice removed) confirmed in his expert evidence before the Supreme Court that the renaming was in consonance with the ethics of numerology and could only bring good fortune on Ayemenem. Nevertheless, none of these measures were successful in solving the shriveling of the thingies, which popularly began to be known as monsoon dicks.

Several specimen of the monsoon dicks were taken and stored in museums and displayed in exhibitions for tourists who did not have monsoon dicks. Biologists from all over the world marveled at the rarity of these thingies. A few of them died of compunction at not owning one for their own while looking at them. By the year 1991, monsoon dicks managed to become an exotic product in foreign markets.

Such trade however, was opposed by some very opposite people, who believed that it was nothing short of trafficking. Meanwhile these opposite people also noticed that at the hammer and sickle dances, a confusion of sorts was on the rise, which led to women sickling women and men hammering men, rather than hammering and sickling each other. This, the opposite people, agreed was rather depraved behavior and had to be stopped at all cost. No God, they declared, would be very pleased.

In the many conferences conducted by the opposite people they voiced their dissatisfaction with the communists and the laughing stock the nation was being made by other countries, because of Ayemenem. “Ah, where’s the dignity? Where be the self-respect?” they mourned. Then in a different tone, “But we must take action! If not now, then when? If not us, then who? If not this way, then how?” Determinism for change gave hope to Ayemenemites, who suddenly realized the shame of monsoon dicks and hammering and sickling the wrong parties.

A whole new era of righteousness was thus born. An era beautiful saffronly.

…to be continued.

Locker Room Talk

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“Making love is an art,” Bozo heard the man with the beret say. A naked man with a beret. A naked man prancing with a caterpillar on his crotch with a beret.

“Is making art a love?,” the dormouse asked from under the tea table.

“Depends.” Beretman said metaphysically. “Is it sexy enough?”

“Whenever I hear “physics”, even when qualified by prefixes like meta-, I am turned on,” Bozo said. “Right now for example, I feel I could explode.”

“Physics is an arousing word. It reminds me of a long neck. A long neck of a Masai woman.” abcd added, sighing.

“It reminds me of running a finger over a beautiful boy’s spine in the dark.” The dormouse said.

“Yeah, that’s sexy.” Beretman approved. “But detachment is important,” he added turning into a sadhu with saffron clothes. “Detachment is an art.”

“Is sex an art?” The dormouse asked.

“Nah, sex is a science. C’est precisement.” Beretman replied.

“Aren’t all sciences art?” abcd enquired.

“C’mon there don’t confuse me.” Beretman said, sulky.

“Yes but what about porn?” Bozo objected.

“Porn is meant to be downloaded,” abcd asserted. “My internet was working so fast this morning I was bedazzled. So I downloaded eleven porn vids. Then I was late for work.”
“Hahahahaha!” Bozo laughed in his face. The dormouse giggled.

“So you mean porn is trash?,” abcd pondered.

“But all trash is art,” Beretman said as he turned into a toilet seat on display at an art exhibition while smoking a long yellow cigarrette.

“No, no…you got it wrong! All art is trash,” the dormouse said sleepily.

“I don’t see any difference really,” Alice grumbled.

“Oi. Hey I say! This is a men’s locker room!” abcd pointed to Alice.

“Yeah, but I ate a piece of cake and now I have a penis. It’s been a strange day.” Alice explained.

“Wow. Show me?,” everyone clamoured. Alice complied. “Hm…amazing!” abcd exclaimed. “More fascinating than my porn cache.” Bozo got a hard-on.

“Cakes are some explosive stuff, I say,” Beretman remarked as his caterpillar turned blue and smoked a hookah. It was detached. So it fell on to the floor with a ta-tak.