Long, long ago, between the waters of Milde and Phon, there existed a slim strip of land called Khwa-ha. The people who inhabited this land were rich and prosperous. The yearly flooding of Khwa-ha provided them a finely fertile land every year where they grew rice, wheat, yam and vegetables of multiple variety to eat. However the people of Khwa-ha also had a peculiar culinary preference- which the obnoxiously elite of today’s modern society tend to deem gross- the Khwa-ha had a most notable weakness for penises.
This taste for penises was almost an obsession with the people of Khwa-ha to the extent that every Khwa-ha household had the penises of its male ancestors chopped off upon death and placed at the domestic altar for a week whereupon they were taken as sanctified blessing and cooked into a delicious meal in the kitchens. This meal was then partaken of by the Khwa-ha commune in beatific ecstasy, and commended as a symbol of extreme good taste.
The penis was not a mere bodily organ for the people of Khwa-ha, rather it held in itself immense proportions of divinity. Penises all around Khwa-ha were elevated to the position of the supremely sacred, as a result of which the people of Khwa-ha spent a lot of time thinking about penises, and their beauty of purpose. There would be days when the entire Khwa-ha community could think of nothing but penises. It has been documented that the Year of Wiener, sponsored by the Weiners, one of the oldest and most respectable families of Khwa-ha, was a particularly significant one in this respect. This year saw the capital town of Khwa-ha organise 49890 food festivals, 2379 musical concerts, 26457 conferences and seminars and 3981 incidences of self-immolation to honor the penis. The Year of Weiner also saw the installation of the first giant penis sculpture in the middle of the town square at Plo- which was soon replicated in several other cities and villages of Khwa-ha in subsequent years. A decade after this first installation, the Khwa-ha Ministry of Culture introduced a Bill in the legislature to make it compulsory for every town in Khwa-ha to install at least 200 and every Khwa-ha village to install at least 100 penis sculptures in an effort to promote art and culture, and additionally outlawed all restaurants, food joints and caterers which did not serve penises. (Sidenote: To stock the Khwa-ha kitchens with a steady supply of penises, the legislature decided to castrate all those who caused injuries to genitalia, which often resulted in mental trauma and shame for the owners of the violated genitals.) As a result, wherever the Khwa-haite stepped she was surrounded the most magnificent of penis selections. Consequently, the Khwa-ha mind and the thought of penis thus became as inseparable as well…two inseparable things. This marked the Classical Age of Khwa-ha history: the golden period of genteel breeding, sophistication and civilisation among Khwa-haites.
Tragedy however struck in the Year of The Great Flood when the great flood flooded Khwa-ha in a flash manouvre so that Khwa-ha was never to be seen again. The flood drowned all lands, destroyed the beautiful crops and most appallingly swept away all their penises. Causalities numbered in thousands, which was significant in reducing the tiny community of Khwa-ha to a tenth of its population. Mercifully, a few Khwa-haites managed to escape on boats to other firmer lands: north, south, east and west, to settle there. They intermarried with the local populations and it has been thus that their line has managed to survive among our world unto the present day.
It is notable that even upon migration to foreign lands, the people of Khwa-ha were proudly protective of their culture and ensured that Khwa-ha traditions were not forgotten in the flurry of movement. To a significant portion, this was fueled by the fact that such a lot of Khwa-haites strongly longed for the taste of penis in their new homes. However, the cultures of their adopted lands more often than not, viewed penis communion with a perspective of disgust. So the Khwa-haites had to devise a new and a more subtle method to obtain their ration of penises.
Castration was an obvious need for the Khwa-haites for access to their daily dosage of penises; however in their new countries, castration was often severely punishable by law. But the Khwa-haites did manage to note that cases of rape and sexual violence were not less rampant here: what the people of Khwa-ha however found peculiar was that people treated injuries to the genitals with no more importance than they treated un-consented injuries to the other parts of the body. This equal treatment of something which was so sacred as the genitals was gross blasphemy to the migrants from Khwa-ha. To not view violence to genitals with absolute horror was horrifically appalling to them. This, coupled with their need for eating penises made the Khwa-ha immigrants launch a sublime yet effective campaign to castrate all penises found guilty of sexual violence. Chemical castrations were further encouraged because it was deemed that nothing as sanctified as a penis should be subject to base instincts like a sexual drive, and a man’s brain should not be held responsible for the sins of such a tainted penis. Chemically castrated penis were viewed as the ideal penises, and were later cut off and communed with in solemn ceremonies of the Khwa-ha community. Such castration was justified in terms of trauma which the Khwa-ha mind supposed should rightly afflict the victim when her holy genitals are manipulated. This shrewd move on the part of Khwa-haites and their descendants has proved to be particularly effective, and is a fine example of the profound level of sophistication which interaction with the great Khwa-ha culture has imparted to contemporary society, and for which one is eternally grateful.
“Hello! Meet Mr. Nice. I am Mr. Nice.”
“Hey there Mr. Nice.”
“Hello hello dear! Care for a rumpy pumpy in the sack?”
“Lah lah lah! Let the rumpy pumpy begin! Here’s the sack! And you should know I’m really nice, so I will ask you. ASK YOU whether you want me to do something or not.”
“Do you want me to kiss you?”
“Do you want me to grab your hair in a fit of passion?”
“Do YOU want to?”
“What I want doesn’t matter! Do YOU want to?”
“You should know for sure, you know. Informed customers are get their goods and I look to satisfy MY customer!”
“Do you want me to slobber all over your neck?”
“What’s this? A sex service company? Why do you have to ASK?! Do it if you want to, don’t if you don’t!”
“But I am Mr. Nice! I always seek consent! ALWAYS!”
“I understand how important it is to your dignity as a woman.”
“The body is sacred. The slightest violation and poof! Haven’t you heard of rape laws?”
A feminist somewhere was subsequently swallowed by an Echidna.
The following is a distressing sexual tale, the first part of which is available here. Please use caution while reading it.
The plan was to make O chew paper and make green fairies come out of her mouth. Green fairies are a signal for “Go” like green traffic lights, so it’s like God giving the people with penises permission to risk bruising theirs with large teeth. But walruses were highly offended by this whole plan and initiated several effective campaigns via the internet like STOP PAPERCHEWING FOR BLOWJOBS 2017 and this created a lot of outrage among American citizens while the British placidly ate their scones and jam and sipped their tea. The American citizens, unlike their British counterparts however were very concerned about walruses and invaded several nation-States in the middle East to make sure that the rights of walruses are protected.
This however did not help O much who was still waiting with her O mouth to attempt blowjobs but now no one was very keen to come to her as they feared they might be accused of carrying weapons of mass destruction. Which they very well were. *nudge nudge wink wink*
Meanwhile O cried the whole day and tears entered her mouth when there was other stuff worthy of being placed there.
But O’s cries were heard. Her fairy godmother appeared and asked O to get two pumpkins. O got her the largest and the juiciest pumpkins from the garden and the fairy godmother waved her wand, and lo! The pumpkin turned into huge breasts and O had the biggest boobs anyone had ever imagined about. However it seems that the fairy godmother was not very well-acquainted with the laws of physics, so that O promptly toppled over as soon as her big boobs appeared owing to her center of gravity being radically displaced from between her legs. The fairy godmother, unable to figure out the problem, left O in her predicament anyways, excusing herself by saying that she had the Fairy Godfather’s Looking for Fairy Godmother’s Ball to attend to.
So O lay there on the grey cobblestoned floor in the dark with her O mouth and her huge boobs, unable to get up. Several women passed by and were secretly jealous of O’s assets as they fanned themselves with their very expensive fans. But O cried and cried because it was shameful lying there like that and because it made the deep-running scars of her rapeful humiliation come alive and they seared like deep trident shaped penises in her vagina.
In the meantime, the penises had been deliberating about what to do what with their people being so scared about being accused of carrying weapons of mass destruction and such. Many of them decided to detach themselves and enter O’s mouth, what the hell. So suddenly O found her mouth stuffed with forty thousand happy penises that oohed and aahed as she lay on the ground. But being the greedy bitch that she was O wanted more and more and more so she opened her mouth wider and wider and wider till it actually collapsed on itself and became a black hole. But this was a very special black hole as it sucked only penises in. But many religious penises, well-acquainted with the concept of sin were distressed about this and decided to become pansies instead. This saved them from being sucked in.
However O was becoming a great danger to all people with penises and all people without penises too, for if she took all pansies penises for herself, what would be left for the others? “Take what you need, leave some for the others,” the wall of Mr. T’s vineyard said. But O did not seem to grasp this concept. This became a matter of huge concern and everyone decided that something must be done about this.
Many great minds occupied themselves with this problem and it was finally agreed that O’s penal appetite could be satisfied only by creating a giant penis and stuffing it into her O mouth. A planet called M was commmissioned for carrying out this task. The planetary soil was fertilised with the relevant fertilisers to make it fertile for growing penises. The plan was to fuse these penises together to create the giant penis. However things went terribly wrong during the transplantation and some of the penises, aware of what they were being grown for, decided to rebel, asserting that they had a right to decide which mouth to go into, and not just any mouth, even if it was very O. Planet M was soon overrun by penises carrying forks, knives and scythes. Since these penises were not fully grown yet, and were the warrior kinds…poking themselves with sharp things when no one else was, they gradually came to be known as sissies.
Meanwhile O’s black hole *nudge nudge wink wink* was gagging with sucking so many penises together and her face was turning purple while her eyes popped out. Her seksual pleasure was heightened to a single point of light and she died a booful death.
The headstone of her grave reads nothing because O evaporated in the heat produced by the friction of all the penises. A whory life, some people accuse, and O rightfully wails while being shamefully fucked in the fires of hell. Beware, tell mothers to their little children, of what O did, and the children listen carefully even while Beelzebub laughs in delight while watching O give beautiful blowjobs. “A despicable fate…Tut-tut,” he pronounces as he gets a hard-on.
The following is a distressing sexual tale. Please use caution while reading it.
O had a very O mouth. This means her mouth was shaped like an O. Like a goldfish. Though I have no clue why they say O like a goldfish- I suppose goldfish in a small round aquarium come to the glass walls and press their mouths against it so that it looks like an O- anyhow it is a valid expression. So yeah, O’s mouth was very O. She could never close it. It was always open like an open O.
Now like all things, this has several advantages and disadvantages. Sometimes flies and such would get inside her mouth and she had to flail around her tongue helplessly till they got out and even then she could not close her mouth. But on the other hand, of course it was perfect for giving blowjobs. One just had to slip one’s penis in.
Only, there was a slight glitch.
O had very large teeth. Not quite as large a rabbit but larger than a wooly mammoth. Now you may ask how that is possible, so well let’s say O had been raped twenty seven years before in the dead of the night by a dirty rapist with a six inch steel knife and the scars of her rapeful humiliation still carried on and made her do six impossible things before breakfast and seventeen later. The psychological impact on a rape victim is shatteringly permanent, as has been well-established, so pretty much anything is possible.
Now as you might know, large teeth while giving a blowjob are highly hindering because people with penises do not want their penises hurt with teeth or such for like the Elke people’s sheep say, they might be then be hit upon by the dreadful wrath of God, and who wants to risk that? Nevertheless the sight of O’s O mouth was too arousing for too many people with penises to resist it, and so they came up with a plan.
…to be continued