“On life, universe and everything, I will say this,” remarked The Great Ababa to Bozo one day, “It’s all in your penis.”
The Great Ababa was the great sexual mystic who had lived for twelve thousand years under the water forking fish. This enterprise, aggressively funded by the WHO, had been undertaken to examine the role of inter-species sexual drive in the process of evolution. Many times, Darwinian fables say, it has been found that while genetic variation produces an improved survival soldier version of the species, it also results in “a most unnatural sexual fervour” towards species of the lower order. It was said of The Great Ababa that he had had a writhing vision one night: Red herrings commanding him to explore the abovementioned irregularity in natural inclinations towards fornication, upon which he had jumped out of bed and exclaimed, “Carp(e) diem!” just before going to the nearest river and swimming upstream for well, the fish. This was only necessary as his research method was indeed very empirical: “You cannot know it unless you have experienced it,” being his personal motto.
Coming back to The Great Ababa’s remark: “Oh! I thought it was all in my head!,” Bozo responded to it with some surprise.
“Oh Bozey! So they say, so they say.” The Great Ababa sighed. “Descartes has exploited us far too long with his heady philosophy, it’s now time for Fuckartes to take over!”
“Fuck a cart? Brilliant! Nothing is beyond you, O Great Ababa!” Bozo looked at The Great Ababa in wonderment.
“Fuckartes, my dear! Fuckartes!…the art of fucking! And the only true way of knowing life, universe and everything!”
Bozo eyes grew rounder and rounder. This was all too exciting. “I am now beginning to get what you mean by it is all in the penis,” he said.
“Yes Bozo. But don’t let that make your penis too important! Because who wants to know life, universe ane the other shit anyways?”
“Uh, don’t you?” Bozo asked with some uncertainty.
“My dear sexy clown, after forking seventy gazillion fish in a span of twelve thousand years, I think I have known enough shit. That’s why I decided to chop my penis and eat it for dinner yesterday.”
“Wow, isn’t that illegal?”
“Yeah yeah blah, but I was just a bit tired of the whole thing you know? I’ve had my time, fish everywhere are grateful, conservationists are happy and the Nessi monster wrote to me the other day to thank me for the kids. But you Bozo! You!” The Great Ababa emphasised, “YOU have your entire penis in front of you. Why not do something about it?”
Bozo then noticed that his entire penis was indeed in front of him. It was dancing about naked.
“But how to go about it huh? How to go about penising life, universe and everything, O Great Ababa?” Bozo posed the problem.
“Look it’s like this, sexy clown. Think of life and universe as a great big jigsaw puzzle to be put together. And you’re a part of the puzzle. But more emphatically, your penis is a BIG part of the puzzle which your life is.”
Bozo nodded vigorously taking it all in.
“To really know life, universe and everything therefore, Bozo, you must find where your penis fits in the great picture. Where does it stand, eh? And when will it? You must discover theee!”
And so Bozo set out to discover life, universe and everything in his penis.
…to be continued