Tag Archives: surreal

A Dirty Story

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Caution: The following story does not easily get to the point of touch because it was told by a girl and girls need the right setting  for producing oxytocin (as proven by The Scientific American).

 

One day I met a clown. He had strange blue gray eyes- dead like a fish, and he was very tired lugging his baggage. He asked me if I cared for some weed. I said ok. Then he asked me to massage his back because he was so tired. I tried but he said, “That’s awful!” and that I did not know anything. So I dropped a torch on his head and he howled. Then he tied me up and said that I ought to be beaten up and got a big stick. I struggled but he slapped me anyways and said it was nice to see me struggling and that it was funner than smoking weed. So that’s what he did and I thought it was very droll. Then he drew some on me and it sparkled. It sparkled and sparkled- blue, red and golden, till the police came up along with the goat-woman and asked us what we were doing. I said, “Making bombs,” and he colored their faces with a permanent marker and then we ran away.

 

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The King of Rainbow Pussies

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When Bozo woke up that morning, he realized that he needed rainbow pussies. And lots of them. The regular brown ones just irked or disgusted him. The even-toned ones were no good either. What he really needed were those multi-coloured rainbow pussies which would produce white light through a prism. That’d really give him a boner unlike all the wrong ones which the circus women had.

So he went to find a woman with a rainbow pussy. But whenever he asked women if they had a rainbow pussy, they would burst our crying and run away and their tears would leave a puddle on the road. Bozo would then pick his cherry nose and move on. Women were hard to understand.

La la la la la, Bozo was singing on his way. And when he was on the road with the hill with a tree around the turn, he found a rainbow pussy. It mewed when it saw him. It had a mirror for a head and a shiny silver body, which beckoned him nearer as it smacked its butt with its lovely crystal hands as the mirror reflected all the rainbow colours. Bozo thought it was very sexy.

The pussy mewed once again. Bozo was getting a major hard-on now. But being the true gentleman that he was, he thought he would satisfy the needs of the pussy first.

Now, Bozo had read up a lot on the needs of the pussy in a very authoritative scientific journal. And it was a very good and scientific journal because it was so authoritative. Each one was extensively cited and well-researched on empirical data. It was obvious that it would be good. He had read that a pussy needs rubbing. So he went on rubbing and rubbing till the rainbow grew larger and larger and the pussy screamed all her mews. Bozo could see himself hard at work in the mirror face and this made him groan in pleasure.

Finally after a lot of rubbing, a genie appeared out of the rainbow pussy. “I have been trapped in this hairy, smelly, floppy pussy for 12 million years, simply because no one till now has found the right way to rub it. You, obviously read the How To- guides on the right way of rubbing a pussy, which has at last released me. So i will grant you three wishes.”

Bozo was excited.

“Your first wish is that all pussies in the world turn rainbow from the various stupid colours they are,” the genie said. The genie was a very omnipotent genie, so he knew everything that Bozo wanted already.

Boom! There was a small sulphur explosion and Bozo’s wish came true. Bozo checked on a little girl passing on the road to make sure and she squealed with joy when she saw her rainbow pussy. Clean and Dry Intimate Wash then started an aggressive ad campaign to make rainbow pussies the perfect shade of rainbow. It created a lot of money and sexually satisfied people.

“Your second wish is that you grow a dick where nose is,” the genie continued.

The cherry nose exploded and a huge penis appeared in its place, swaying to gravity. Bozo now looked like a sexy anteater. As he admired himself, the rainbow pussy with the mirror face thought he was very hot and thanked Bozo over and over.

“And here’s your third wish…your lifetime supply of Viagra, so you’re never important impotent.” The genie finally said as he poofed and vanished. A mountain of neatly packed cartons appeared next to the hill with a neon sign with huge letters saying, “FREE VIAGRA HERE!”

Bozo was thus the King of Rainbow Pussies forever and for a while which really meant he was the King of all Pussies, which slobbered and mewed over him all the time. Although seven years later, he found out that a lifetime supply doesn’t really mean supply for a lifetime even as lifetime imprisonment does mean prison for a lifetime. But the genie had it printed in very small letters the terms and conditions of the wishes, so rightfully Bozo should not have complained about that. But that is another dirty story.